Side A – Nia
Seeing her sister again wasn’t strange. Whenever Kayelle was nearby Yasgrid, Nia was able to project over to see how her sister was doing. That was something she’d never expected to have any desire to do, but she’d found herself sneaking momentary glances of Kayelle more and more often.
Nia hadn’t questioned that impulse too deeply, but as she leaned against one of the walls in the great cathedral of Endings’ psychic palace she wondered if she should have indulged it more.
Of the two women with her, one was almost an almost unrecognizable stranger and the other was as dear to her as if they’d known each other since the day Nia had been born. That her sister by blood was the unrecognizable one struck Nia as a sign that something had gone very wrong.
No. It wasn’t a recent change. Something had been very wrong. For a lot longer than either one of them was aware or would have been willing to admit it.
“Nia?” Kayelle asked, disbelief warring with confusion, while something that might have been hope, or sadness, or anger waited on the sidelines.
“It’s good to see you again Kayelle,” Nia said, a lifetime of awkward history reaching up to tangle the good advice she wanted to convey.
“It’s…” Kayelle started to say and then paused, her expression shifting as fatigue settled back over her. “Was it me?” she asked. “Or mother?”
Nia didn’t need any additional words or a translation to know what her sister was asking.
“It was me,” Nia said. “This isn’t your fault, or mother’s. Yasgrid and I switched like this all on our own as far as we know.”
“But you chose to stay like that. Away from here,” Kayelle said.
“I did,” Nia said. “I don’t know that the choice mattered, but it’s the choice I made and the one I’m standing by.”
“I think I understand,” Kayelle said with a small, sad smile.
“No,” Nia said and held up her hands to forestall the fight which would inevitably start from any disagreement between them. “You can understand,” Nia continued. “But I haven’t told you enough yet to give you the full picture.”
Kayelle blinked, perhaps as surprised that Nia hadn’t leapt to a combative response as well. “What do you mean?” she asked, searching Nia’s expression for some sign of hidden aggression.
“Living the life I’m in now? It’s filled in a piece of me that was missing all my life. The piece I kept trying to take from you, and mother, and Marianne, and everyone I think. I thought I was escaping the Darkwood at first, and the idea of putting it all behind me seemed exciting and mysterious. There’s so much I could tell you about what I’ve done here, but I don’t know that any of it would matter more than this; I love you.”
Nia paused for a moment and then threw hesitancy to the wind and embraced her sister.
“I spent so many years at odds with you,” she said. “It felt like I was tearing at the shackles that were trapping us together. It wasn’t till I got where I am now that I even thought to question that. To question who you really were. Who you are to me, and how much of who I am, I wouldn’t be without you. I love you sis.”
Side B – Yasgrid
Yasgrid was tempted to think her work on repairing Nia and Kayelle’s relationship was done, but she knew better than to fall prey to that line of thinking. Single moments of connection could represent important breakthroughs, but it was the work each of them put in afterwards that would determine if the rift between them truly mended or not.
Still, she couldn’t help but smile at the exchange of affection that had clearly flummoxed Kayelle into speechlessness.
“Sorry,” Nia said, pulling back. “I had other things I wanted to tell you, but that seemed more important.”
“I…what else did you have to tell me?” Kayelle asked, struggling to process Nia’s earlier words.
“That you’re being stupid,” Nia said.
The shock on Kayelle’s face at that didn’t give way to anger but rather recognition, as though she’d finally received confirmation that she really was speaking with her sister.
“Stupid?” Kayelle said, her eyes narrowing in what could have been warning, or delight, or, mostly likely, both.
“You’re thinking of abandoning Endings right?” Nia asked.
Kayelle quailed a bit at the words being spoken within Endings where they couldn’t be easily dismissed or forgotten. She rallied a moment later though, the M’Kellin pride lighting in her eyes.
“It’s my right,” she said.
“Yep, that is absolutely correct,” Nia said. “Every Bearer puts Endings down eventually, and most don’t finish their pledge.”
“Most don’t find as many Troubles as I have either,” Kayelle said.
“To be fair, that was Troubles finding you for the most part, wasn’t it?” Nia asked.
“They’re ended just the same,” Kayelle said.
“Also true and fair,” Nia said. “My question to you is, is that enough?”
“It should be,” Kayelle said.
“Even one should be enough,” Nia said. “You shouldn’t need to treat this, or anything, as a competition. You shouldn’t need to always prove that you’re the best. Do you know why?”
“Because that’s not healthy,” Kayelle said. “Because it’s an impossible goal to chase after. Because I never will be.”
“And that’s why I said you’re stupid.” Nia’s smile brought a scowl to Kayelle’s face but before one of their usual arguments could begin Nia continued. “You’re stupid if you think you’re not already the best. If you can’t trust me in anything else, at least trust me in knowing that.”
“Nia, I…” Kayelle began but Nia wasn’t finished.
“I’ve spent my whole life trying to catch up to you,” Nia said, taking her sister’s hands. “I am intimately and painfully aware of how amazing you are. And I’ve seen how much that costs you. I know we both try to measure up to mother, and I know we both think that’s impossible, but being able to step back from our lives like this has shown me something.”
Nia took a deep breath, before continuing.
“The perfection we see in mother? Her grace? Her serenity? Those aren’t natural to her either. She works at them all the time too. We never saw that because she’s always tried to provide what she thought was the best example for us. Or that’s what she imagined she was doing. In reality though? I think she was just keeping us away. I think ever since Dad died, she’s been terribly, terribly afraid, and I think it’s long passed time for all us to stop being afraid of what we can’t do, and what we can.”