“And tell us, Aspirant Helgon, why do you seek admission to the Clergy of Yauka the Clear Seeing?”

“Because I’m flawed.”

“See, he profanes our halls! To claim faith in the Clear Seeing arises from a defect of character? He has learned nothing from his time in the Novitiate!”

“Your pardon Learned Father, but I made not such claim. My faith in Blessed Yauka comes not from a certainty that I know his will, but rather a certainty that I must improve myself in order to understand that will at all.  I am a flawed creature. I have always known that. What I would set myself to is to refine the base clay of my own being into something ever more worthy. That is my calling and the deepest expression of faith in our Blessed Patron and Eternal Lord I am capable of performing. I cannot see what it is I must become, but the Clear Seeing God’s catechism tells us that we can be better than we are, and so I am called to my belief.”

– An forgotten record from the archives of the Clergy of Yauka denoted with markings for an aspirant who was not likely to advance within the Order

A woman had appeared near me. She was an enemy. A clever, stealthy, incredibly dangerous enemy. 

Thankfully, she didn’t seem to be my enemy.

“My apologies, am I interrupting?” she asked, sliding around the edge area lit by the glow radiating from me.

“Yeah,” I said, not bothering with either tact or wit. It hadn’t been the kind of day that left me with all that many functional brain cells and I wasn’t going to waste the few I had on playing games where I didn’t understand the rules or the stakes. “You knew that though, so what’s up?”

“What’s up? Hmm, I don’t think you’re at all what he imagines you to be,” she said.

Zeph was watching our new visitor with the sort of still silence that didn’t so much promise a blinding and unexpected response at any moment but left the door open should Zeph be so inclined.

“By ‘he’ you mean the Neoteric whose also watching us at the moment?” I wasn’t really guessing there, so I threw a feeble little wave in the general direction of the Lord of the Factorum.

“Clever though,” she said.

“I can hear you, uh, whoever you are?” That I was still flopped bonelessly against MB was not, perhaps, the strongest position to be negotiating from, but it wasn’t like I had an erg of strength available to rise to a stronger position.

“Meluna, you may call me Meluna if I may have your name?”

Zeph shifted before I could speak.

“You may not,” she said.

“You remember more than most I see, Fox Wind,” Meluna said, sketching Zeph a perfunctory bow.

“Do I?” Zeph asked. “I don’t recall the Night being tricksy. That was once the domain of the Wildings.”

Meluna’s eyes opened in something that could have been surprise, delight, or both.

“You do remember! Oh, there are so many questions I would have for you, but one does rise above the others unfortunately.”

“Do I know better than to treat with Wildings? Yes, yes I do.” Zeph said.

“Wise, but not the question I must have the answer to,” Meluna said. “And, if it should reassure you, I am no Wilding. They were held high in my mistresses regard, but while I may borrow their unique bits of wisdom, I am and will ever be a faithful acolyte of my Lady of the Darkest Hours.”

I was aware of a great deal more than I had been before getting munched up by the beast fragment but Proper Nouns and Titles were not included in the beast’s expansion of my consciousness. Probably because it had never known, nor cared, for the names of who, what, or where it devoured.

MB was following the exchange any better than I was, but it was tired too and was, I think, relying on me to determine if the odd lady before us was a threat or not.

She definitely was. My new senses were explicitly clear about that, if not particularly clear on why at first. Her banter told me that defusing her danger was going to be easier by talking to her though, and that seemed to be enough for MB.

“You carry a fragment of Night?” Zeph asked.

“Not for a long, long time,” Meluna said.

That I could make a little bit of sense of. Sort of. If Meluna had once carried a fragment of Night, then she was like me, a God Bearer, or she had been? It seemed weird to think of a god soul leaving someone and that person still holding onto the god’s power as one of their acolytes.

And Meluna was definitely holding onto a surprising amount of godly power. With the hint that she was aligned with a god, or a part of one, it was easy to work out that it was divine energy I was sensing in her. The part that didn’t fit was how she could be holding so much of her gods power if she’d given the fragment of them she’d found away?

“Should you be talking to us?” I asked, without really putting enough thought into the question. “I mean, if you’re worried about me, you’re kind of giving the game away by being here aren’t you?”

I didn’t particularly want her to take a stab at killing me. I was feeling fairly awful still but not that awful. Reflecting on what I’d heard for just a moment longer though had brought a really terrible idea to me and, if I was right, I was honestly be kind of surprised the stabbing hadn’t started already.

“Oh? Should I be worried about you?” the most worried woman of all time who didn’t look worried in the slightest asked.

“If I say ‘no’ are you going to be able to believe me even a little bit?” I asked. If our situations were reversed, I knew I would have started stabbing long ago, but Meluna seemed a bit more level headed than I was.

“Probably not I suppose,” Meluna said with a sad little pout. “If she says I don’t need to worry on the other hand?”

We both looked over at Zeph, but I turned back to Meluna before Zeph could answer.

“You probably could have just let us talk then, couldn’t you?” I asked, still trying to puzzle out what Meluna’s angle was.

“And eavesdrop on you? I could never be so rude,” said the woman who clearly loved nothing better.

“I’d forgotten what dealing with Night’s acolytes was like,” Zeph said. “Wish I hadn’t remembered.”

“The question, I’m afraid, stands. Can you speak for this one?” Meluna said, a more serious air settling over her as her postured straightened and I got a sense of how very tall she was.

“No,” I said. “It’s not fair.”

“Life rarely is,” Meluna said.

“So we shouldn’t be?” I might have been a bit irate there.

“It’s okay,” Zeph said, forced into the role of peacemaker, which had not been my intention.

“It’s really not,” I said. “I get why Night might be concerned about me. Hell I get why you might be concerned about me. You’re obviously right to be at least a bit worried, I mean I think I did something new and new can be scary. I’m not exactly going anywhere at the moment though, so rushing to decide how worried to be doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense.”

“I see why Sun likes this one,” Meluna said. “So simple. So direct.”

“You can sense her in Little still?” Zeph asked, an unexpected note of relief in her voice.

“You can’t? Isn’t the glow a bit of a giveaway?” Meluna asked.

“Little has felt like her since we met,” Zeph said.

I winced. If I ‘smelled’ (for lack of a better term) like Sola naturally, I could see how Zeph couldn’t have been sure if I had Sola with me still.

“Hey, I don’t suppose Night can do something about the bindings Vaingloth hit her with?”

Yeah, I’d used his actual name. Meluna wasn’t going to recognize ‘Melty boy’ as a reference, and I still hadn’t forgive him for anything.

“Before I know who you really are? No, I don’t think we’ll complicate the situation like that just yet.”

“You did hear Zeph right? She used my name at least a couple times already,” I said.

“That’s not what she was asking for at first,” Zeph said. “She wanted to take your name from you.”

“Meaning?”

“It would have been as insurance, nothing more,” Meluna said. “I could have given it back.”

Zeph gave her the sort of glare that told me ‘could have’ was very different from ‘would have’.

“And with my name you could have…?”

“Controlled you, in case you proved quarrelsome,” Meluna said.

“Or killed you,” Zeph said.

“If you had proven to be more than quarrelsome,” Meluna said without a hint of guilt or shame.

“Ah. Thank you then Zeph. I’ve had quite enough of people being able to kill me just because they decided they didn’t like me.”

“Oh, it’s not like that at all,” Meluna said. “I confess I’m quite taken with you. You do however seem to be made up of equal parts god and beast however, which presents, as you observed, a worrisome set of possibilities.”

“I’m not worried about her,” Zeph said. “Not anymore.”

“But you were?” Meluna asked.

“Of course she was,” I said. “She saw me get eaten by something that destroys everything it devours and then I popped out a moment later.”

“With a monster in tow,” Meluna said, nodding towards MB who’d decided the conversation was boring and that catching some sleep while it could was the wiser course of action.

It was completely right about that and I really wished I could partake of its wisdom, but getting stabbed in my sleep probably wouldn’t agree with me all that much, so I kept talking.

“We’re both monsters,” I said.

“Yes, but that’s part of my role as acolyte,” Meluna said.

“No. You’re whatever you are. I mean MB and me, we’re both monsters. We’re both Little, and we’re both something else.”

“The beast?” Zeph asked, concerned but not scared unless I was ready her body language all wrong.

“Not anymore,” I said. “The fragment of the beast that was here had changed in the time since it was split off. Not much, but it was enough for it to find an end to what it was so it could become something else. Me, sort of.”

“Why call yourself a monster then?” Zeph asked.

“I melted a Neoteric Lord’s eyes,” I said. “And I murdered someone the day before that. Before I met Sola. It was that or be tossed into the fire as Kindling, so I’m not apologizing for it. The patroller got what he deserved, but I’m not kidding myself either. MB’s a monster because I kind of infected it with who I was. So if I’m not so great, it’s probably burdened by that too.”

“You are either the worst ambush predator I have ever known or the very best,” Meluna said.

“Do I say thanks to that?” I asked, turning to Zeph.

“Hard to tell.”

“I don’t think it matters what you say as I believe I have my answer, odd though it may be,” Meluna said, watching me intently nonetheless.

“You trust her then?” Zeph asked.

“Not even slightly,” Meluna said. “But Night has taken no offense at her.”

“Just to be clear…” I started to ask.

“Yes,” Meluna said. “And no, of course not, how silly, that would be impossible, and ridiculous, and this conversation never happened. You’ve clearly been dreaming this whole…time.”

And with her last word, she faded back into the darkness.

But I understand her first yes.

There was still a god in our world.

Night had survived.

“I shall not fear the darkness, for it shelters me until the light returns.”

– A bedtime prayer for children from before the Sunfall. A prayer for everyone afterwards.

I hadn’t sent Zeph off to die. It was important that I hold onto that thought, because being all alone in the ruins on the outskirt of the Factorum meant it was pretty easy for unreasonable fears to start creeping into my head.

Zeph was fast. And she was smart. She wasn’t going to tangle with the…whatever it was that was waiting for us if it made any hostile moves towards her. 

She’d saved me a bunch of times already. 

I could trust that she would come back to me.

I hadn’t ever been able to trust in that before of course. Pretty much everyone I’d ever wanted to come back hadn’t. Not through any fault of their own. Well, usually not through any fault of their own. But when they hadn’t returned it hadn’t mattered whose fault it was.

The glow I’d been emitting was barely a flicker. Sola was probably tired after all we’d been through.

Or maybe it was just me?

I curdled up against my Mini-Beast’s head and felt it crouching down as though if it made itself small enough the fears it felt wouldn’t have room to stay within it.

How was I alone if MB was with me? That wasn’t something I wanted to think about too much. MB didn’t want to think about it either. Thoughts were where all the fears inside us lived.

But thoughts were where we lived too.

I stroked the soft fur on the side of MB’s face.

“I think you got the worse end of the deal there,” I said, the world roiled and rolled in quiet argument to that claim but the joke was on it. I’d already heaved up everything that was in me. The worst the world was going to pull from me was dry heaves.

Which, to be clear, still were not fun, but I had to claim victories where I could.

Holding onto MB, I let the world settle down inside me and resumed stroking the fur I could reach.

“Okay, so it’s been pretty hard on both of us,” I mumbled, fighting to hold off the inevitability of sleep.

It hadn’t been my idea for the fragment of the beast to eat me. I wasn’t at fault or responsible for the harm it had done me. Laying against MB’s sleepy head though I was able to make my way towards understanding what I had done.

I owed the beast fragment nothing, and any harm I’d done it was entirely justified. In the end though, I’d done more than harm it. I’d harmed myself.

And I’d ended it. Not killed it. It had never been alive and so it couldn’t be killed. But it could be no more. It could end. Just like everything could end.

I wasn’t fully the Little I’d been. I was some odd admixture of Little and the beast. It was a weird sort of alchemy, a transubstantiation of my mortal life essence back into my mortal essence. For a time out of time, I’d been the beast, or at least the fragment of it. We’d been one thing able to see itself from within and without.

Trying to recall any of that felt both dangerous and impossible. With each moment the danger was fading though as the impossibility solidified. I couldn’t know what had happened when there no real time had passed to hold it in. That meant my mind couldn’t wrap itself around something too vast for it to contain, because that moment, that state, wasn’t real.

But that didn’t stop me from knowing it had happened.

I’d said it was weird, right?

The truth is there’s a lot of weird things in the world though. This one had been weirder than, well, all of them put together, but I was able to feel what my path forward could be. All I had to do was just not care about the weirdness.

I’d run into a fragment of the world killer, something beyond my comprehension had happened, and I was left more aware of things outside the purely physical that I had been.

Oh, and I was also a Mini-Beast.

Super easy to work with. It didn’t make sense because it didn’t have to make sense. It was nonsense and so I could toss into a box labeled “random idiocy” and not worry about fitting it in with the rest of my life. I was capable of doing some more things that I could before. Not a big deal, right? I was hurt but I was getting better (probably? hopefully?). 

And I was also a Mini-Beast.

The box labeled “random idiocy” in my mind was hard to stop fiddling with.

How was I my Mini-Beast?

I knew it was true, and yet I was clearly me, and no one was ever going to call something as sizeable as MB “Little”.

But MB was me.

Maybe not as much as I was.

But it was me.

I sighed and opened the idiot box.

I had to think about this more.

The world tried to dissuade me, but as the moment when the beast and I had been merged together drew farther away, the pain and agony I’d suffered faded away too. 

It wasn’t the world that didn’t want me thinking about what had happened after all. My brain was simply trying to protect me from diving into unbearable torment again.

It would have been nice to listen to my brain. It wasn’t being at all unreasonable. 

But I needed to understand because Zeph was going to come back and she deserved and answer. 

And because we were going to break Sola free, and she deserved to know what MB was and what I’d become.

Maybe they’d both leave me when they knew. I wouldn’t blame them. If life had shown me anything it was that I wasn’t really the greatest person to be around and that was before I became whatever kind of aberration I’d returned as.

MB shivered at my thought, so I curled in closer.

The warmth was nice.

Were monsters ever afraid? Were they gentle? Comforting? Maybe, but it didn’t feel like ‘aberration’ or ‘monster’ covered what we were.

So what were we?

I lay there, against my nice warm Mini-Beast and I just listened. The world was cold and dark and silent, but it spoke to me anyways. Wrapped in warm fur, I closed my eyes let my senses reach outwards, all the way to ends of my fingers and the tips of my toes.

I was me.

I’d come back to my own body, and my own mind. I’d brought a piece, or several pieces, of something else back with me. Those pieces gave me new perspectives, and showed me things I couldn’t have known before, but they weren’t part of ‘who’ I was, only ‘what’ I was. Even the scattered memories of the beast fragment I somehow held onto were like books written onto the parchment of my mind. All my flaws, all of my dubious cleverness, all the memories that tortured me and all the ones that sustained me though? They were all still there too. 

I’d been afraid of the dreams that waited for me, and they weren’t going to pleasant, but they were going to be mine, reflections of what I’d been through, fears given a form and face perhaps, but more likely just a jumble of impressions and half imagined scenes as my mind continued working on my reassembling all of the pieces of me into something as close to a workable person as it usually managed to get.

I needed sleep. There wasn’t time for that, but I needed to let myself rest and recover. 

And I needed to forgive myself.

What I’d done I’d done for the right reasons. That didn’t mean it hadn’t been miserable, but it did mean that if I was faced with the same choice, I hoped I’d be brave enough to make the same decision even knowing what it would lead to.

So.

That was me.

Or most of me.

There were things I didn’t understand about myself, for all that I was aware of more about the world and myself than I ever had been. 

But it was enough. And not knowing what was going on it my own head? Pretty typical really. I chuckled at the notion that of all the things I’d brought back, that might have been the most ‘me’ aspect of them all.

What about MB though?

I dug my hands into its fur, and drew in its scent, filling my head and lung with the familiarity of it all.

Something had happened when we were merged. In ending, the beast had begun as something new.

But it wasn’t anything before that. It was an absence. Or a memory drained of the essence of what it had been. Mostly. Whatever little bits of what it had once been that remained weren’t enough to make it something in my world though. There wasn’t any connection or pattern it could follow to make create itself from.

So it used what we had instead.

As we disentangled, I became myself again and it became me too. Not at all how I was, or even how I might have been. It became something that was informed by who I was, but built from the pieces and perspectives of the beast fragment.

It was me if I’d lived it’s life. We were separate, but what MB had become was closer than a sister or even a twin would have been. It couldn’t hold more of the memories of what we’d been when we were mingled together than I could but without memories of its own, what it could remember was…well, mostly me.

Making itself into something solid and real was a wonder beyond description. It was literally a miracle even the gods hadn’t been able to work. There were limits to how much even a miracle could do though, and so while it had my memories, and I was the template for its existence, it couldn’t fully work with them. 

Speech was beyond it, but it could understand me. Others too probably, but its perspective was still its own. It could read situations like I could, but our reactions weren’t necessarily going to be same.

So it was me, but the me who wasn’t quite so Little anymore?

I shifted and ran my hands along the edge of its downy soft ear.

Was that the answer I was going to give Zeph? Or Sola? Were they going to understand? Would they trust it? Would they trust me?

I hadn’t been willing to let the beast hurt Zeph, could I let her harm MB?

No.

I felt a flame flare up within me.

I was sick and tired of the Kindling Bargain. Sacrificing something good so something else could survive was not what was worth striving for. 

We could be better than that.

I could be better than that.

Zeph woke me by calling name.

She was standing a good twenty feet away. Well outside MB’s reach with claws or teeth.

“He’s ready for us,” she said, a wariness in her words and posture that wasn’t wholly derived from seeing me.

But it was in part.

And I needed to fix that.

“Thanks,” I said, sitting up and stretching.

I was so weak.

And I needed so much more sleep.

That’s not always an option though.

“Before we go though, you asked some questions and I owe you some answers.”

“You’ve given me answers.”

“I gave you reassurances. I owe you more than that.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“I owe you the truth, and the chance to make your own decisions on where we go from here.”

“The Neoteric wants to meet us.”

I laughed at that, knowing the Neoteric was listening and could hear us clearly.

“There are nine Neoteric Lords left in the world, plus the one waiting at the heart of the Factorum. There is precisely one of you. I do not value you ten times more than a Neoteric Lord. I value you ten thousand time more than one of them. I have nothing to say to the one waiting for us, until I’ve answered everything you want to ask me. And if you want me to go on alone, if you don’t feel safe with me, I’ll still wish you the gentlest of roads and will send Sola to you the moment I manage to free her.”

“Going onwards alone would be foolish indeed.” The woman who spoke those words had skin as black as the night my glow was illuminating and hair darker still. Even that though didn’t explain how she’d stepped out from a shadow that was no more than fifteen feet from me, especially since with all my new awareness I hadn’t been even slightly aware she was there. “But then your not really alone at all are you?”

“Why am I writing what it was like when we lost the sun? Because people need to know. Yes. I am aware that we were all there, but there will be people who come after us. There have to be. This can’t be how our story ends.”

– from an unnamed diary found in the ruins of the Outer Factorum.

I could sense a lot more than I’d been able to before the beast chewed me up and get our aetheric molecules all mixed together. That didn’t make the world any brighter, easier to understand, or in any sense at all safer. It did allow me to notice a few things I’d missed before though, like, for example, the divine grace Zeph carried with herself and how close it was to turning against me.

Not that she was going to hurt me. That would have been a terrible idea for all involved and Zeph is just simply a better person than that. No, she was all of a single excuse from bolting to somewhere far beyond the horizon.

It would have been a sensible thing to do.

She’d brought me here because the Factorum held at least some the promise of shelter from the wrath of Vaingloth and the things that prowl the wastes. I could sense that she was correct on both of those accounts and why that was the case.

Me being eaten by the worst of the things in the wastes had definitely not been part of the plan. Me, in a sense, becoming one of the worst things in the waste was the plan more or less exploding into gorey bits.

And yet, she wasn’t running yet.

“Sorry about that,” I said, nudging my Mini-Beast away.

It liked her.

Maybe because I liked her?

Or maybe it had an ounce of sense and decent taste in traveling companions?

In either case though it clearly needed to learn some manners.

“We don’t lick people without their permission,” I said to the giant monstrosity that loomed over the two of us.

I was still pretty out of it I had to admit, but breathing and speaking and not seeing all of time and space while feeling the crushing emptiness of the cosmos pulling me apart for an eternity was good. Made me feel a bit more like who I was supposed to be.

I did not want to go to sleep.

The thought struck me like a hammer when I caught a glimpse of what my dreams were going to be like.

Yeah.

No sleeping.

Forever.

I forced my eye lids open despite the lead weights that had been attached to them.

“I don’t know if I’ll be up for walking much farther,” I said, the rocky ground looking like the most amazing bed I had ever seen.

“I…” Zeph looked from me to my Mini-Beast and back.

“I know how weird this is,” I said, which was sort of true. At once point while I was being digested I’d known everything. I don’t recommend it. Knowing everything is far too much and all I could retain of it was how much that sucked. Ignorance is not actually bliss, but too much awareness without the ability to filter it is definitely peak misery. 

“I…” She still thought she couldn’t outrun the beast. 

And she was sure I couldn’t.

“Could you do me a favor?” I asked. “There’s someone in the Factorum. I think. Could you go and check with them if it would be okay for us to come in. I think they need to talk to us.”

She looked at the Mini-Beast and then at the path through the stadium. I would not want to have tried to flee through a place like that. Much too open and something like the Mini-Beast wouldn’t be slowed by the ground clutter at all.

“I’ll be okay here,” I said. “And I know you can make it there and back a lot faster if you don’t have to carry me.”

“I’m not worried about carrying you,” she said.

“That’s not surprising. You’ve been carrying me since we met. But this okay. I will be here, just like I am now, when you get back.”

“And what of her?” Meaning Sola. Who was the most important one in this situation.

“She’s still not free. Melty Boy’s bindings are stupidly strong, which I suppose they would have to be or she would have shredded them a half second after he cast them. I can feel her though.”

“Will she be safe.”

“From the things in the wastes? The spirit fragments? Definitely. You can feel them running away too can’t you?”

“I can.”

Can’t imagine why the spirit fragments that herded us to the beast were suddenly trying to be as far away from me as possible? Surely they didn’t think that I held a grudge? Or that I might not be well disposed towards something that had been intent on killing me themselves if Zeph had given them half a chance? 

Probably just a silly spirit thing.

“But will she be safe from you.”

Zeph was still holding me.

She didn’t have her claws extended.

She wasn’t presenting any physical menace at all.

And she didn’t want to kill me.

But she would.

Without hesitation.

Even if it meant her own death.

And if that had been required, I would have welcomed it.

“I’m a mess,” I said. “This is nothing new. I’ve always been a mess. I’m not who I was. But that’s nothing new either. What is new is that I have people in my life now that I’d be Kindling for. Sola protected me, and I have to admit, it’s hard not to love her for that alone. But that’s a self-ish sort of love isn’t it? Like she does a miracle for me and I repay her with my love until I need another miracle? Ick, even saying that feels awful.”

Zeph’s expression made a wonderful transition from a blank and homicide-ready look through growing confusion and into the outskirts of amusement, so I kept speaking.

“So, I don’t love her for that. I mean, probably I do, but she could let me go and choose someone else, and I would still choose to love her. Because I know her. Not a lot, but you don’t have to know everything about someone to know the most important bits of them.”

“And what are her important bits?” Zeph asked, at least temporarily intrigued by my argument.

“She still believes in us. In me. Despite what a rotten person I am. She can see the things I’ve done, all the times I’ve failed and what a general disaster up I am, and she still believes in me as I am right now. Not ‘oh but Little has so much potential’. Not ‘even a runt like her can be useful or somethings’. No. None of that. She picked me with all the flaws I’ve got, not in spite of them. Did I pick up a few more flaws by being stupid enough to get myself eaten? Yeah, probably. Is she still on my side though? Is she still shining down on me no matter how much darkness there is around us? It would take a god to understand why, but, hey, look, guess what she is!”

That drew an actual smile across Zeph’s vulpine face.

“I don’t want to be a better person to be worthy of her, or because she demands it. I want to be a better person because thanks to her I can believe I could be one.”

My Mini-Beast gave a huff of agreement, which surprised both Zeph and me.

“And, this?” she asked. “It’s…it’s not what it was either?”

“I feel like I could have answered that better while I was dissolving,” I said. “If I think about that too much though, I feel like my brain is going to go right back to dissolving, so I’m going to make up my own answers for you.”

Zeph looked at me like she was checking to see if my brain had already started the whole dissolving thing and that was probably a good thing since I was still a bit too messed up to be sure.

“I think MB is something new. It’s what the beast could have been if it had become a part of our world instead of trying to consume it. Bear in mind, I’m almost certainly wrong, but it does feel like it fits here. Maybe because it’s so tiny? I mean compared to what it was. Or even what it was when we met it. Before it was chipped off? Maybe that thing couldn’t have become part of our world. Maybe it had to fight and be fought. I have this dim memory that fighting the gods was the whole reason it was brought here.”

“Brought here?” Zeph was back to being concerned in an instant.

“I am super fuzzy on this, but the beast isn’t a naturally occurring thing here, right? I mean that seems pretty obvious given, you know, everything that happened. Somewhere in the eternity I spent inside it I think I saw it being called to our world.”

A growl escaped Zeph’s lips.

It was not a natural sound for her to make and I was grateful it wasn’t aimed at me.

“The Neoterics.”

I nodded.

“Pretty much has to be doesn’t it?”

Because, who else could possibly have had enough power? Or had any interest in doing something so incredibly stupid?

Except, was it stupid?

I had no idea what Vaingloth and the rest’s positions had been in the world before the Sunfall. Presumably they’d been someone important, but I was willing to bet that powerful people were pretty much the same before and after the Sunfall. If so then the one thing an important person like Vaingloth would have wanted was to become more important.

And who’s more important than the gods?

Well, if you can arrange for the gods to get eaten by a giant monster from beyond reality? Then probably you are. 

Or at least I could see someone like Vaingloth thinking like that all too easily.

And it had clearly paid off for him.

Sure our world was a total wreck. Apart from some dubious cheats with the portals, there was nowhere that could sustain life at all, and nearly everyone who’d once lived here was dead, and the things that remained where inimical to the existence of basically anything else.

But look at how good that was for Vaingloth! He was in control over everyone! Or everyone in Mt Gloria. The other Neoteric Lords were beyond his control, as were the people they owned.

People like the ones in the Factorum. 

The Factorum which the other Neoteric Lords had wiped out. 

Yeah, I could sense the whispers of their handiwork in the destruction around me. It wasn’t hard to believe either. The only thing that could be a threat to a Neoteric Lord in this dead world was another Neoteric Lord and they’d been slowly winnowing their own numbers down ever since they’d seized control of the world the gods.

How many of them were left?

Nine.

Why did I know that?

Because sensing that kind of thing was easy.

Not vaguely comforting, but easy.

“That’s I think why we need to talk to the person in the Factorum,” I said.

“Who are they?” Zeph asked.

“I don’t know their name, but I think they’re the Neoteric Lord who ruled here.”

“There is no Neoteric Lord here,” Zeph said. “That’s what makes this a safe place. It’s Lord died decades ago and none of the others have dared to claim it since.”

“Hmm, yeah, that feels about right. Funny thing though, I don’t think being dead means quite the same thing for them as it would for us, because there is a definitely something like a Melty Boy in there and I’m pretty sure it knows we’re here too.”

“Stay here. I’ll be right back,” Zeph said, placing me gently on the ground away from the spot where all of my meals from my entire life had been heave out.

I would have said she left like a razor slicing through the air, but I’m pretty sure her intention was to slice through the something rather more substantial. 

“When this goes wrong, not if, but when, we will be left with a hunger which cannot be sustained.”

“Not if we manage to transcend our current forms, my dear Dyrena.”

“You call me dear but we both know you would be the first to turn your knives on me if given the chance, my dear Helgon.”

“All the more reason for you to assist me with my endeavors! When, not if, I succeed, our mechanical forms will need fear no blade or spell, and, as you are quite dear to me, I would of course have you join me in such an ascended state.”

“We will hold the power of the gods and you still believe your contraptions and gadgets will represent a material change in our being?”

“The material is exactly the thing. We are made of what, the base clay of the earth? There is no hope bodies such as these can endure. We are stifled by these poor raiments of flesh.”

“My poor Helgon. With the divine power coursing through our veins, we will be limited by nothing at all. And when we fall, the depths we plunge to shall be unlimited as well.”

– High Accessors Dyrena and Helgon a few days before the Sunfall, sharing their dreams with one another.

So what do you do with a Destroyer of Worlds after you’ve infected it with the idea of how pathetic it is? That’s a great question. I have no idea. Ask me the same thing about what you do with a tiny fleck of a Destroyer of Worlds though and the answer is apparently ‘bring it home with you’.

Listen. I know. I am deeply aware of how that sounds. I am painfully conscious of exactly how bad an idea that is. I’d spent a forgotten eternity being ripped cell from cell as a demonstration of how literally cataclysmically dangerous the Mini-Beast was.

So I know. And I knew then. But I did it anyways.

How? Shockingly it was a lot simpler than you might imagine. All I had to do was ask it. 

Why? Because while it didn’t seem to be able to speak, it was perfectly able to understand me. Why didn’t it kill me? I did mention it can’t speak right? I mean I could ask it but I think the answer ultimately boils down to ‘it didn’t want to’. Oh, why did I want to bring it back.

No reason.

Shut up.

I did not feel sorry for it.

It broke my world!

It killed Zeph. Sorta.

I did not feel sorry for it.

It was kinda funny coming back through. I should probably say that’s why I did it. I mean the look on Zeph’s face was beyond priceless. Yeah. We’ll go with that. I did it to prank Zeph.

“What…Little…what?” Blaming Zeph for being at a loss for words would be about ten shades more evil than I’m capable of being. 

“Uh, hi there. You doing okay?” I asked, not being all that great with words myself. Behind me, the Mini-Beast loomed over me, more than twice my heart and four times my width. I couldn’t see it but I could feel wariness radiating off it like heat from a bonfire. 

I could also sense the fragmented spirits who’d been herding us into the beast’s maw. Or, more than sense them. I was connected to them.

Which made sense.

I mean, I’d destroyed them.

The world reeled around me.

“Little! What happened!” Zeph was holding me in her arms and I hadn’t hit the rocky ground thanks to her quick reflexes.

That was nice.

“Oh. Nothing,” I said. I mean, it wasn’t exactly a lie. I just didn’t finish the thought since ‘nothing I’m even vaguely capable of explaining’ was far too many words for me to manage.

The Mini-Beast snuffed at me. It knew how I was doing, mostly. 

I mean, it was me, wasn’t it?

The world spun again and the last rations I’d eaten a few billion eternities ago threatened to make a return appearance.

Strangely, that was exactly what I needed.

Puking is never what I would call ‘fun’. It is, however, a deeply physical reaction. Nothing really connects you to your body like your body being deeply upset about something and my stomach had decided that enough was most definitely enough.

To my credit, I managed to turn my head so that I hit neither Zeph nor my Mini-Beast.

I think the Mini-Beast appreciated that more than Zeph did.

She was, understandably, a little concerned for me, especially since the colors of what came up matched neither the colors of what we’d eaten, nor any color which should be present inside a Ratkin’s body.

“Oh, right. I bit it,” I said and waved a hand towards the Mini-Beast in apology.

It’s fur was so soft. I don’t know why that surprised me.

“You…what?” Poor Zeph. I couldn’t find a spot to begin explaining the thing I did know and I was sure even when I did, everything I said was going to raise more questions than there were answers.

“Just…a minute,” Three words was pretty eloquent for me at that point, and it left me with enough strength to try to force down the rest of the unhappiness my stomach was objecting to.

My stomach was stronger, and apparently smarter, than the rest of me. It won the argument I was having with it twice more before it settled into a grumbling sort of contempt for every other part of me and most especially the idiotic brain that had gotten the rest into our current mess. Sadly, along with the last few weeks of rations it seemed to have ejected, it had also thrown out the last vestiges of strength my body had clung onto.

I didn’t pass out of course. That would have been merciful. No, the rest of my body joined in the stomach’s protest and made sure that I remained entirely conscious of just how miserable I’d made us all.

“Sorry,” I said, more to Zeph than myself, but I did harbor a faint hope that my various organs might be appeased by the gesture.

They were not.

“What happened? And what is that?”

“It’s my Mini-Beast,” I said. “We talked.”

I felt like cheering. Five words and they all made sense. I was on a roll!

“That’s not…where…what happened?” I could see the confusion in Zeph’s eyes. She was able to perceive things I couldn’t. Or hadn’t been able to? Part of what was making me so ill was sensory overload.

My poor Mini-Beast. I reached out my hand to it again knowing that it was having things thousand times worse than I was. I was perceiving a bit more than I had before. It, on the other hand, had in some senses never perceived more than itself. 

“I…did something?” I was still assembling the memories of what I’d done so that was the best I could manage then or for quite a while afterwards. “Got a bit mixed up? Blended? Dissolved into? Something like that with the, uh, thing.”

My Mini-Beast wasn’t the thing that had attacked us, the fragment of the Beast. It had been, but what we’d done to each other had left us both changed, it more than me. Which made sense. There was a lot more of it to change than there was of me?

I knew that wasn’t right, so I didn’t try to share the thought with Zeph.

Was it that there’d been less of the Beast than there’d been of me? That felt right. Deeply right. But it made even less sense than the alternative. I hadn’t survived because I was big and mighty enough to wrestle the Beast into submission. I’d survived because I wasn’t mighty, because I was small and normal, and…and because I was real.

And the Beast hadn’t been. 

Not here. 

It wasn’t part of this cosmos and I was.

Clearly that hadn’t stopped it from killing the gods, so it was real in some rather important senses, but so was I?

I drew in a deep and centering breath. Air, real air, filled my lungs. Lungs which need it, because of a thousand complicated processes life required here.

I felt an trickle of strength flow back into my limbs. It was delightful. The kind of delight that only real, livingf things, experience. I tried to shift in Zeph’s arms and discovered that a trickle of strength was nowhere near the same as enough strength to rise on my own.

So I relaxed.

“Sorry,” I said again, but feeling a little more clarity with each breath. “I’m okay. You were right. We couldn’t fight or run from the thing that was waiting for us.”

“Yes, but what happened. It grabbed you up and then turned inwards and imploded. It was like the darkness vomited you out the moment it ate you and then it was that…thing?”

“I talked to it,” I said. “Sort of. It was the kind of conversation that didn’t involve what you would call words so much, and it lasted, uh, I think several forevers?”

“You were only gone from an instant. Less. I didn’t even have time to jump in after you.” Zeph’s voice carried a trace of guilt that she absolutely did not deserve to feel.

“Sola’s grace was working overtime that you didn’t I think,” I said, hoping that invoking our shared goddess would make my point particularly compelling. “It wasn’t…it wasn’t good in there. And I don’t know how things would have turned out if there’d been three of us getting mixed together like that.”

“What do you mean ‘mixed together’?” Zeph’s concern took on a new tone. Which was fine. If she was concerned about what I’d become, she could stand in line right behind me.

“Sola’s still with me,” I said, a fact I was relying on to hold back the terror at what being mingled with the beast could mean. “She wouldn’t let me be destroyed. And I wouldn’t let her be hurt either. I don’t think when the gods fought the beast they had that. I mean, I’m not much of a defender, but what we are, you and me, and I guess every other mortal, solid being, that matters. We’re not vulnerable to things that can change ideas or destroy concepts. Burn up the idea of who are and we’re still here, too stupid to not just remake the idea. Sola was able to prevent the more literal sort of ‘burning up’ since it’s not like a god can be injured by the sort of thing that can kill us.”

“And that’s what let you defeat the beast and turn it into…what is this thing?”

The Mini-Beast had settled onto its haunches and was watching us with careful eyes, its ears swiveling at odd intervals as though listening to things all around us.

“We didn’t defeat it. Like you said, we couldn’t fight it. And I didn’t turn anyone into anything. It chose to become that, I think after it sort of absorbed what I was.”

“It does not look like you. It does not look anything like you.”

“It’s fuzzy,” I said, feeling protective of my Mini-Beast. As though it couldn’t still tear both of us to pieces faster than I could blink.

“You barely have hair on your head, I’m closer to how fuzzy it is than you are.” Zeph’s objections were reasonable but they stirred a giggle inside me anyways.

“I am not bald!” I objected out of principal. I’d known some quite handsome people who were bald. Just because I kept my hair a little above shoulder length though did not mean I was one of them.

Zeph sighed.

“Why isn’t it killing us?” she asked. “Or is it going to the moment I put you down?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t think it wants that anymore. It was lost. And broken. I think it just doesn’t want to be alone anymore.” I didn’t add ‘like me’, but there was likely more truth in that than I wanted to admit.

Zeph scowled at how ridiculous that sounded and she was right to. The thought that the Beast, Slayer of Gods, Destroyer of the World, could be lonely and want some friends was objectively ridiculous. 

As was the slobbery lick it gave Zeph across the entire side of her head in confirmation of my words.

“This is folly on a scale undreamt of. The only reason we will not be remembered as the most foolish beings to have every walked this world is that there will be no one left to remember us at all.”

“You’re very likely correct, but, tell me, aren’t you still just too curious to pass up the chance?”

“The chance to cast down the divine? The chance to become what they are? I was curious to see how the Divine Codex ruled out such madness, but not that we stand on the precipice of annihilation and it’s clear that the Codex offers no protection against such folly? No, no I am not curious at all. I am terrified. As you should be. As all of the others should be. Why would you risk so much? What you seek cannot be worth the sacrifice.”

“I just want to know. I have to.”

– High Accessor Beildan, who was planned to be the 14th Neoteric Lord but was cast down before the Sunfall and High Accessor Helgon who cast him down.

I, occasionally, make bad decisions. They, always, have unpleasant consequences. In that sense, it wasn’t surprising that my latest bad decision, which was probably the absolute worst decision of my life, had commensurately the least pleasant consequences of any I’d experienced to date.

But that was a good thing.

By all rights, the consequences I faced for opening my body, mind, and soul to the beast that had devoured gods should have been too instantaneous to present any problem for me at all. I am, as many have observed, not large. The amount of time it would take something which can damage a god to obliterate me could also be described as not large. 

Rather than being obliterated though, I was merely melting and exploding and burning and many other conditions for which I’m pretty sure there were no words in any language for.

The key though is that I “was”. I existed. Granted that didn’t seem much better than being a “had once been” or a “was no longer”, but in hindsight at least, I’m glad that I continued existing. For as terrible as existence was in the eternity of those moments, it was still worth it to reach what was beyond them. I knew that even when I knew nothing else and, looking back, there were a bunch of time in my life when I hadn’t been able to say that when facing consequences that were far less severe. 

Probably shows how much I’ve grown as a person. I mean, not in wisdom. That’s right off the table. But, you know, in other ways. Grownup ways.

If it seems like I’m not fond of remembering those moments and that I’m talking around them, I would have to offer congratulations on accurate perceptiveness. When I say it really was not fun being mingled with the beast, I am only understating things because words, as a concept, cannot manage a proper statement of how bad it was.

The important thing to know though is that all of the cosmic miserableness eventually faded. Or maybe ‘faded’ isn’t exactly the right word? It’s probably more accurate to say that from a non-physical, fractured conceptual state each mote of my being found a path back to the rest over the course of several trillion lifetimes, and that what I’d once was retained enough resonance to stitch together something that was a vague approximation of what I was still given that time is an illusion and the point in time when the whole process began was the same as the eternity through which it persisted and the singularity of sensation where it met its final expression. Honestly though, that sounds like nonsense to me even as I try to fit the words I stole from Sola together to make sense of it. 

Where things start coming back into a frame that I am capable of describing (somewhat) is when I saw the star.

The star wasn’t Sola. I knew that right away. Which was impressive in its own right since knowing anything after your being was blown to agonized dust that stretched across the cosmos is a feat even the gods didn’t manage. Not that I’m bragging or anything. I’m sure they put up good fights. It’s no reflection on them that I put up a better one.

Yes, I know I’m going to pay for that, but since I’d already fallen to the depths of creation and then below even that, I wasn’t too worried about how much further pride might be able to knock me down. I may have mentioned the lack of wisdom thing already?

Anyways, the star.

Sola was, or had been part of, the sun. Thanks to understanding her, if even just a little bit, I knew the sun was a star like the ones I’d never seen in our empty sky. I also knew what a star was and had a borrowed memory of the blazing grandeur the night sky had once possessed. Sola’s view of it had been a bit different than mine would have been, encompassing colors and motions that were outside my ability to perceive. Even with a far more limited view though, I could tell it had been beautiful.

The star in front of me was different. For one thing it was tiny. Stars are supposed to incomparably huge, far bigger than my entire world. This one however was smaller than me. Also, it was in pain. Which I could sympathize with. 

I was pulling myself back together still at that point, regrounding the disparate bits of my soul and identity into the body which remained solid despite my foolishness. I feel its important to note though that the ‘ground’ I found myself standing on was not any part of the world I lived in, so my ‘grounding’ lacked the comfortable stability something like an avalanche might offer. The space around me wasn’t a part of my reality either. The body that I wore? Also not exactly real. What I was experiencing was more what I knew I should be experiencing and who I should be experiencing it as. I was Little and until that changed Little’s body was mine.

If that sounds like I wasn’t put together quite right, that would be correct. Reassembling myself from disparate motes of confused soul essence was not something I was even vaguely capable of. But I didn’t have to be. Sola was with me and I was with her. What I couldn’t do, she was more than capable of, and what she couldn’t be, I was more than ready to embody. 

We’d assembled me enough though that I was able to start walking towards the star. There was no road, but there didn’t need to be one. Not in that space at least.

I didn’t have a plan exactly. I wasn’t put together enough again to manage that, but I knew something was wrong there and I knew that running away was going to make it worse.

Which felt weird.

Running away was really my strong suit.

But I wasn’t going to run away this time.

And I remembered why.

Zeph.

Was she still there to be saved? Did I honestly think I could save her? Maybe? I’d been lost inside the beast from the moment it devoured me, but I thought, or hoped, that I’d held its attention by not becoming the food it wanted me to be. 

Being inside the beast had created a form of communion between us, one neither of us wanted. I’d been bombarded with perspectives and understanding and visions of things that I wasn’t equipped to handle. I’d thought at the time that if I took them in I might be able to find a path to the other side, to someplace where I could comprehend what the beast truly was and understand what we needed to do to fight it. I’d been gambling on the durability that being a real part of the world had seemed to provide me.

Had that worked? Not really. 

Had it had unforeseen consequences though? Oh, most definitely.

The creature I was reassembled, the ‘me’ that I knew, wasn’t exactly the ‘me’ that I’d been before. Which was okay. People change all the time. Whether we want to or not, everything we experience shapes us and alters who were are and who we can be. Most of the changes do not involve no longer being entirely sure which parts of you remain from your mortal life and which parts have become reflections of the beast.

To be fair to me, it wasn’t the least rational thought that, if it was going to eat me, I should bite it too. Ratkin do have pretty decent chompers so biting things that are a danger to us is a perfectly reasonable response. 

Not the correct one it turned out.

At least not if I wanted to remain exactly who I had been.

That’s not the unforeseen consequence which captured my attention though. It was the star I hadn’t foreseen, and which I was sure the beast hadn’t guessed would happen either.

Before we met, the beast was nothing more than a fragment of an entity which was lost to an endless abyss of hunger. I knew hunger, not as deeply as the beast did, so absorbing it’s hunger wasn’t revelation for me. It absorbed something from me though, and that broke it.

Because I was broken.

Not as a new thing, or the result of what the beast had done. That was simply who I was. Little, a small and broken Ratkin girl. I hadn’t thought anything about it. Everyone breaks and we all carry on. It didn’t make me special to be a shattered mess who still got up and dealt with the day before me.

The beast though didn’t understand what it had taken. It hadn’t understood that it was broken. That it had always been broken, even before it was fragmented from its larger self. 

I wasn’t exactly myself anymore after drowning in the beast, but, unbelievably, it wasn’t exactly itself anymore either.

And that was the star.

I drew close enough to step inside it and found the beast waiting for me.

It was laying down within a chamber of brilliant light, it’s body fully furred in the dark colors of ash and cinders. 

It stirred when it saw me and opened its jaws to show the terrible teeth it retained.

It didn’t speak, it hadn’t absorbed that much from me, but it did fix me with the stare of its soot dark eyes.

And then it whimpered.

It was broken. It always had been. But from me it understood what that meant. I’d shown it what it meant to be weak, to be powerless, to be Little. Quite reasonably, it hated the idea. It should have hated me too, but it didn’t.

I should have hated it right back, but I didn’t.

“You didn’t know, did you?” I asked.

Because it hadn’t.

I didn’t understand it like I did Sola, and I could barely remember anything of the time we’d been mingled together, but my brain had room for a few small revelations.

“They called you here, and you came because you’d already destroyed your home,” I said, not as condemnation, though destroying a world would have been a reasonable thing to condemn it for, but as a measure of understanding. 

Because I did understand.

The beast wasn’t real. Not in the sense that I was. It had been though. In its own reality it had been as solid and real as I was. Until it had destroyed everything there.

Why?

Because it’s reality sucked. Or so it had believed. 

Which I understood. If I could have wiped the world clean of all life, there had been plenty of times when I would have done so.

But not anymore. Not since I’d felt Sola’s love for all of us. Whatever else I believed, I knew that there were people out there worth preserving the world for.