The mood in the rickety Enclave freighter was morose.
Or rather the mood among the Enclave’s hunting team was morose. Which made sense. They were all young, and they’d lost one of the own. There was grief for Yoldo and hiding under it was grief for themselves. For their dreams of being mighty hunters which Yoldo’s death had shattered and for the perceived loss of their place within the Enclave.
“There is no more voice to guide us,” Tovos had said, intoning the words as a pledge from scripture.
“No.” Osdo’s presence in the Force felt as though he were completely at peace, but Nix could heart the pleading heartbreak in that one word echo as clearly as a blaster shot.
“There is no more voice, but we remain Silent,” Felgo had said, apparently completing the scriptural quote.
And with that they had departed.
Lacking a ship, or any sense what planet they were on, Nix and Ayli had tagged along with their former captors, who didn’t seem to quite know what to do with them.
“Are they powering up the hyperdrive engines?” Ayli asked a moment before the familiar lurch answered her question.
“Think we should ask if they know where they’re going?” Nix suspected she knew the answer and that it was less a matter of ‘going to’ someplace and more simply getting away from the site of their failure.
The Enclave team had reacted to Tovos’ words like they’d all been gut shot, the fight going out of them to where even Poroto, who’d been willing to continue fighting with his broken hand had slumped into defeat.
The impending return of the Death Shadows had been the only thing which seemed to motivate them, and so they’d gathered what supplies they could and abandoned what should have been their home. Tovos’ last act before leaving had been to say some sort of prayer in one of the pre-Basic languages over Yoldo’s remains and then place a thermite charge on the corpse.
They’d been boarding the ship when the charge went off, the fireball large and bright enough to scour the partial camp clean and reduce everything near the detonation point to ash.
No one was going to find useful evidence about the Silent Enclave from what was left behind.
“They’re all hurting,” Ayli said. “This had to be their first mission so far away from the Enclave, and it was definitely the first they lost someone on.”
“You can sense that? They’re so quiet in the Force,” Nix said.
Ayli shook her head though.
“Not a Force thing. I’ve just seen this before. Human body language is a bit more limited, so I had to watch it pretty closely when I was kid. This team has their emotions almost completely disconnected from the Force, but their expression, and their postures? They’re wrecked.”
“And an experienced team wouldn’t be, would they?”
“Not if it was a Rebel team,” Ayli said. “Losing people didn’t happen all the time, but everyone knew someone who hadn’t made it, and the threat of it always seemed real. This team though? They didn’t think anything could touch them. And they couldn’t imagine losing like they have.”
“They need someone to talk to,” Nix said.
“Sadly that can’t be us. Even apart from the fact that they think everything we say is sin and heresy, we’re not part of their group and its ingrained in them not to trust any outsiders.”
“That sounds like you’re also speaking from experience.”
“There wasn’t exactly a lack of people who were interested in making a quick cred by selling Rebels out to the Imperials,” Ayli said. “That’s why I like archeology. Dead people are real good at keeping their lips shut.”
She said the last with a smile, but Nix could feel the cutting truth behind the words. Ayli trusted her because Nix was ‘part of her group’, other people though, even people she wanted to be close to, were always held at a distance, if even unintentionally.
Nix wanted to reassure her, but reflecting on her own life, she found a similar division in play. She hadn’t been a Rebel. Hadn’t fought and killed and watched people die in the dark, but she’d held herself apart from most of the crew’s she’d been a part of.
Oh, she’d had friends, certainly, but as she drifted from ship to ship those friendships had drifted away too. There were the odd cases like Saliandrus where the bond persisted, but then Sali was an odd case all on her own, as Pirate Queens are won’t to be.
That things felt different for her since meeting Ayli was something Nix hadn’t consciously noticed, but came into clear focus seeing the Enclave team struggling to find the connections they needed.
Nix had followed the flow of the Force all her life, without any clear awareness of what she was doing. Meeting Ayli though had changed that, had finally made her consider the idea of there being a ‘forever’ with someone, even if their forever had started under fairly questionable circumstances.
Once there was one forever in her life though, Nix had started to feel the hunger for more. She hadn’t had a family, and had thought, given how successful she’d been at surviving on her own, that she didn’t have an interest in one.
Except it turned out that ignoring her own needs was, in fact, a skill she was a grandmaster of.
She knew it wasn’t all self delusion. She had no interest in generating a child of her own. But a family? That was a lot broad of an idea than simple biological links. Kelda and Ravas? They were the Elders she’d always wished she could turn to for answers. Or rebel against. Or seek consolation from. Ayli? Even though they were together, Nix hungered for her wife, not simply to touch and hold but to be with. To share time and tasks and interests. To talk about nothing and to share everything.
And then there was Rassi and Solna.
What would they be? Would they stay to be part of the family Nix was building? Intellectually she knew, and was determined to make sure, that it was their choice. In her heart though, if she was being honest with herself, she wanted them to be a part of her new family too. Daughters? Younger sisters? Cousins of an aunt’s second sister’s nephew’s grand niece? The name for the relationship was an affectation at best. All that mattered was the bond they could share, and they place they would have in each other’s hearts.
“And these idiots need to be there too,” Nix said with a sigh.
“What’s that?” Ayli asked, not being psychic in the literal ‘read minds all the time’ sense.
“This is going to be a disaster,” Nix said, knowing Ayli would understand.
Which she did.
“You’re going to talk to Tovos anyways aren’t you?” she asked, out of idle, unconcerned curiosity.
“I was thinking Felgo,” Nix said. “He seems to have a bigger problem with me.”
“You’re right, it will be a disaster.”
“Any thoughts on how to mitigate the disaster part?”
“Nope. We could avoid it, but if we’re not doing that, then embracing it is the next best thing,” Ayli said. “Or maybe I’m sort of drunk on being off balance with the Force. Seems fine to me though. You’ll make it work. Somehow.”
“Did you want to come with me?” Nix asked, wondering if Ayli had gained a new depth of insight with the Force or if her lack of fear was more of a disability than some new power.
“Probably better not to gang up on them,” Ayli said. “Plus if I’m not there, I can come and bail you out when they start reaching for their blasters.”
“When?”
“Maybe when. They are just devilishly hard to see in the Force.”
“Can you imagine what they must have been put through to wind up like that? You’d think this was an corp office building not a ship full of grieving teenagers.”
“Teenagers with blasters and a lifetime of brainwashing against you specifically.”
“Gotta start undoing that somewhere.” Nix shrugged. Disaster it was and disaster it would be.
She found Felgo in the engine room and cleared her throat to begin the carnage.
“Go away,” Felgo said, his voice too tired and his gaze held steady on the powerline he was adjusting.
“That needs to be replaced,” Nix said, largely because power transfer modules were not meant to be that particular shade of burnt plastic, but also because ship repairs were the definition of her comfort zone.
“Does it look like we’ve got replacements?” Felgo said, annoyance rising in his voice.
“Yep. Right there, near your left foot,” Nix said. She’d been inside the guts of so many freighters she felt like she’d wandered home when she wasn’t looking.
Which, in a sense was true. Ayli was there after all, so the ship was as good as anywhere else to call home.
“Can’t use that. Don’t know where it goes.” Felgo’s fatigue only wanted her to go away. He had reached the limit of problems he could handle and was probably going to explode on her no matter what she said next.
“You’ve had a miserable day,” Nix said asking the Force to guide her words into gentler waters. “And I’m not helping that.”
“Then why are you here?” Irritation colored Felgo’s words but that was better than the explosive rage that lurked within him.
“You need someone to be mad at, and I do know where that powerline goes,” Nix said.
Felgo finally turned to look at her, brows creased in confusion and frustration.
“Why do you want me to be mad at you?” That he grew more angry and suspicious with each word in the question was a good thing. Or so Nix tried to tell herself. “This is some Jedi trick isn’t it?”
“Not a Jedi,” Nix said. “It is a trick though. It’s the get a crew member to blow off steam before they blow us all up trick. Had to use it a bunch of times now when repairs just go to hell and no one’s having a good day.”
“I don’t…I’m not interested in your Jedi tricks. And I’m not going to blow us up.”
“Not working on the powerline you’re not. But you all have had about the worst days in your lives right? I don’t know what Tovos meant when he said you were Lost but that sounded like more than you just didn’t know where to go.”
Felgo went to speak but clamped his jaw shut and glared at her. Nix guessed he could hear Tovos telling him to shut up and had finally taken that command to heart.
“I’ve had bad days, believe it ir not,” Nix said. “The galaxy just loves to drop all the bantha puddu it can on us sometimes.”
Felgo remained silent and glaring.
“And you have zero reason to trust me. Maybe less than zero in fact,” Nix said. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you don’t deserve what’s happened. Life is just unfair like that sometimes.”
Felgo was growing even more suspicious of her the more Nix spoke. She could see it in his eyes and was starting to feel it in this Force.
Which was not a good sign.
“Here’s the thing though,” she said sensing the need to get to a point Felgo could wrestle with. “The galaxy isn’t what’s fair. We are. We’re supposed to be the answer to the things that go wrong. You and I aren’t on the same side, right? You’re Silent and I’m a loud, corrupt Xah abuser? Except we’re not.”
“Shut up,” Felgo growled, just about to break. “I will always be Silent, whether I am Lost or not.”
“Yeah, obviously,” Nix said. “But being Silent isn’t all that you are. You’re also a young human. You’re also a hunter. You’re also Tovos’ best friend. We are all so much more than any one label we carry. Maybe you’re ‘Lost’ now but lost things can be found. That’s my wife’s entire career now.”
“We will never be found,” Felgo said. “It’s impossible.”
“Want to bet on that?” Nix asked. “I found your Enclave once and I didn’t even know what I was looking for. I’m not a Jedi, and I’m not a corrupter of the Xah, but I can still do things you can’t even imagine.”