“What? No of course I don’t like having disgusting breathing things in my city! The fire portal? No it’s not for warmth and light! I need it for my experiments! Well, yes, most of the experiments are enchantments of cold, unfeeling metal, but some, okay one, involves warm metal! Yes, yes, and that’s why the air and water portals are open too. You see it’s all about balance. The warm metal needs the fresh air to cool it and the water to temper it. How much air and water does one experiment need? Well, that’s really not the point now is it. Big portals are simpler…nicer. If they produce more than is needed, then who am I to care? I am, I feel this needs to be pointed out, dead, and far past the point of caring about any mortal concerns. Or mortals. Yes. No concern for mortals. Now be off and do whatever it is you mortals do.”
– Helgon the Reluctantly-Eternal to the small group of school children at the Factorum’s only study hall.
I don’t have anything against being carried. In general. Some people are a lot taller and a lot stronger than me and we can both move a lot faster if I pretend to be a sack of fish food that they’re hauling around. Typically someone like Lucky, with her endlessly long arms, would scoop me up under one of them and I’d be jostled at her side as we escaped whatever trouble someone else had gotten us into. It wasn’t usually terrible pleasant, but it was always better than the alternative of being caught and roasted alive.
Racing down into the darkness beneath Zeph’s basement held that same thrill of escaping danger without all the annoying jostling largely because Zeph didn’t sling me under one arm. Instead she held me like someone would hold a baby. It was comfortable, but only in a physical sense.
I tried to distract myself from the indignity of being baby carried by putting my mind back together after Lucky’s appearance broke it thoroughly.
“How the hell did you find us?” I asked in a failed whisper as we cut over into a section of the sewers I wasn’t familiar with.
“No talking yet,” Lucky said. “We’re still within their perimeter.”
Perimeter?
I cursed, silently. That absolutely sounded like how an official patroller operation would go down. They would make sure there were no avenues of escape well before confronting me. Also, they’d send enough troops that even if Sola could break free somehow, they wouldn’t lose them all before one of them disabled me.
Or at least that’s what Vaingloth probably told them. In truth, if Sola broke free, she could have roasted every patroller in the city, and if I had to glow too bright to be looked at directly for a month afterwards, she would have my full support in doing so.
Wheels and more wheels spun in mind as we ran though.
They knew, in broad terms at least, how I’d escaped them last time. Zeph’s absurd speed had to be something they had plans for.
Plans like driving us into the sewers where routes could be cutoff making speed all but useless.
I wanted to point that out, but I held back. Lucky wasn’t stupid. She had to know that would be the patroller’s plan.
So was she betraying me? I’d caused her a lot of trouble. And Vaingloth had plenty of things to hold over her head. Like like the lives of every person she’d chosen to take care of.
On our own, Zeph and I might have gone anywhere when the patrollers attacked.
If there even were patrollers on the surface.
I’m not a good person, so my mind tends to wander to some unpleasant places. It was able to assemble a scenario where we were running right into Vaingloth’s clutches all too easily.
Say Vaingloth found us. But catching us was going to tricky, because Zeph is insanely fast. Also, predicting what a god is or is not capable of seems like it would be a risky endeavor. What to do?
How about grab one of your target’s few friends and make said friend an offer she couldn’t refuse. Maybe burn up an example or two to make it clear how serious the situation was.
The friend-shaped pawn can then lure me somewhere that I’d be much easier and safer to collect.
Then you burn up the pawn and all the pawns people too.
Which was why I relaxed.
It was absolutely possible that Vaingloth had gotten to Lucky. It was absolutely possible that she was leading us into a trap just like he’d told her too. Except for a few little things.
First, Vaingloth didn’t consider people like Lucky to be people. Acknowledging that she even existed wouldn’t have been the first thing to cross his mind. Not with what the long history of how he treated the populace showed us.
Second, the fact that he would absolutely burn up everyone even vaguely related to this was something Lucky would be as keenly aware of as I was.
More important than all that though? Lucky was my friend. I didn’t have many of those. Or maybe any. Maybe we weren’t friends, with how I’d abandoned her.
But I wanted us to be.
Which meant, I was going to believe in her.
A part of me, a whole freaking chorus in fact, was singing in a dozen ancient languages about how I was making the most foolish mistake imaginable and that I was going to be murder killed until I was giga-dead.
Anxiety sucks.
But it’s also an old, old part of me, so I told it to shut up.
And then I told it to shut up again.
And again.
And then I just let myself imagine what it would be like to hang out with Lucky again. They were lies. Illusions I spun up in my mind of a better day that wasn’t ever going to come, and didn’t have to.
I couldn’t believer in myself, and I couldn’t believe in the future, but that didn’t stop me from reveling in the daydream I conjured.
“Okay. Now for the fun part,” Lucky said. “Ever been to the Deep Sewers?”
She yanked open a hatch which led down into darkness.
How did I see the hatch? After a week in Zeph’s warmly lit basement I’d forgotten to think about that. The answer was easy to figure out though since I was the only source of light we had.
It wasn’t a lot of light, but I was definitely glowing.
Sola? Are you there?
Only silence answered, but it didn’t matter. She was my god. Bindings or no, she was with me. Anxiety wanted to argue against that too, but I stuffed it into a spiky box where it could shut up and suffer. Sola was with me, whether I could hear her or not.
“Several times. All of them unpleasant,” Zeph said.
“What she said,” I echoed, which wasn’t entirely true, but we didn’t have time for me to explain where I’d found Sola.
“Good. Don’t get eaten then,” Lucky said and dropped down first to clear a path.
I wasn’t sure what she’d meant about being eaten given than I hadn’t run across anything particularly carnivorous when I’d climbed up from Sola’s garden.
Of course Vaingloth hadn’t been filling the sewers with a collection of temporarily alive abominations at that point either.
I could tell the first one we ran into wasn’t meant to last long because it had a purple flame in it’s chest which was burning it up from the inside out.
Lucky hit it with a stick before I could vomit flame on us. That staggered it. A few dozen more whacks while it was down reduced it to a burning pile of jelly.
If I was Vaingloth, I would have been keeping track of all my creations. I hoped that was true, and that he’d felt every blow from Lucky’s club.
Sure, I’d melted his eyes, but he deserved a lot more suffering than that.
A roar from farther down the deep sewer tunnel suggested that my wish might have come true. Like most wishes, I was going to regret making it, but for that moment I let a little bubble of malicious glee rise to the top of my heart.
“I can get her out of here,” Zeph said. “Which exit is clear?”
“No!” I said cutting off Lucky who was about to answer. “We all get out together.”
“You need to live. Above all, you must,” Zeph said.
“I will. I am really good at living. Haven’t failed to do so yet. But you and Lucky need to get out of this too. If I have to make that a goddamn Divine Decree, I will. Neither of you are allowed to die. Am I clear?”
Zeph blinked, shocked, I think, by the fire in my voice.
Lucky just laughed.
“Best not to argue with her,” she said. “The noise will just attract more of them.”
Zeph made an expression that was probably a frown and nodded silently.
I probably hadn’t convinced her, but it didn’t matter. We were all moving and that’s what counted.
When we ran into the next of Vaingloth’s disposable sewer beasts, Zeph deposited me gracefully on my feet and flashes forward.
I don’t think she had a blade, and her claws had always seemed pretty short to me. Much too short to get through the heavy scales on the tube-like monster that was rushing down the tunnel towards us.
A moment later however, she was back at my side and the monster was falling into two cleanly bisected pieces.
“We’re leaving a trail like this,” Zeph said, appearing beside us as fast as she’d left.
“Can’t be helped,” Lucky said. “Didn’t have a lot of time to put together a good escape route, or all that many decoys.”
“Wait, ‘all the many decoys’? We have decoys?” I asked, a whole new set of wheels turning in my head.
“Yeah, Smiles and Oolgoo are working together, and some of the Kobolds know these tunnels scary well,” Lucky said, “They’re killing off some of the other monsters down here to make it a little less clear which paths we’re taking.”
“Oh. Oh that’s good. Melty Boy is going to have to check them all,” I said as we continued running. “He will, but it will take him more time, and that’s fantastic!”
I was on my own for running. Either I’d forfeited the right to a baby-carry by making an adult demand, or Zeph was simply being reasonable that she was a better defender without me encumbering her. I suspected it was probably a little of both, and, as was the theme of my life, regretted the lost a few hundred yards latter when keeping up with the annoying long legs of a Bugbear and a Fox Wind began to prove challenging.
“If we don’t get out of here, you can both blame this all on me,” I said, refusing to fall behind.
Keeping up with them wasn’t easy, but running was the one thing I actually was good at, so it wasn’t as impossible or miserable as it might have been.
In fact, given that Lucky at least wasn’t holding back, it was a lot easier than it should have been.
And I was glowing more.
“There’s a whole lot we can blame on you,” Lucky said. “You don’t have any idea the kind of bonfire you lit when you incinerated that Inquisitor do you?”
“Oh. Did someone notice that? Thought I was being subtle there.”
“Oh you were,” Lucky said. “It all happened so fast that most of us had no idea who or what smote the hell out of those guys. We were just happy to be alive. The dickhead in charge though? He’s been a bit less than subtle. He burned up that whole precinct looking for you.”
“Oh. Hmm. So how much of the city wants me dead? Like all of it, I’m guessing?”
“Dead? Oh no. No, no my silly friend. They want you to take the big seat. We’ve had enough of centuries of darkness under the current idiot. It’s time we saw the sun again.”